Cobras… OUT!

An extraordinary General Meeting was called by manager essenn on Saturday morning, just 24 hours before the Cobras home match against 1 FC LIVERKUSEN. All the players, coaches, and backroom staff – from both the Camberwell Cobras and the Hartwell Hornets – were in attendance, alongside fans and members from the Riversdale Crew. essenn patiently waited until the crowd settled down, then dropped the bombshell…

“There is no easy way of saying this, so I’ll just get straight to the point… at the end of this current season, the Camberwell Cobras will cease to exist!”

The following 10 minutes of mayhem involved threats of physical abuse, shouting, yelling, bottles of Little Creatures Pale Ale being thrown, flying chairs, airborne hotdogs, even crying. When the mob finally calmed down, a pissed off essenn continued…

“Let’s get one thing clear – it’s not my fucking fault! I have been forced into this decision. For some reason, the powers that be at Hattrick have decided to raise the price of Supporter by a ridiculous amount. There is no fucking way that I am going to pay a stupid amount of money to keep the Cobras alive – it’s just not worth it, and I cannot justify it. A slight increase I could handle, but this increase is just bloody outrageous. You all have every right to be extremely angry about this, but don’t take out your frustrations on me – you should all be pissed off with HT!”

More scenes of chaos followed, and essenn took the opportunity to duck outside for a quick toke and a can of Melbourne Bitter before addressing the mob again…

“So what does all this mean? Well, the Cobras will see out the current season. Most of the senior players will be sold over the coming weeks, as I have no intention of training them any further. Results in the league will be shit, but quite frankly who cares! The Hornets will also continue until the Club shuts its doors for good. There will be no more youth pulls as of this week. The 20-odd million ‘Oceanian’ dollars we currently have in the bank will be lost for good. Cahill Stadium will fall into disrepair and eventually crumble away. Once all the decent players are sold, all coaches and staff will be sacked – sorry for that, but again it’s not my fault.”

“For what it’s worth, I had a great time with the Camberwell Cobras. Things were coming along nicely and I actually enjoyed this Club. It’s such a shame that it had to end this way, a real fucking shame…”

 

This is the End…

 

 

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