Hattrick United

Sebastião Nunes, Coach of Cape Verde Pirates
Celebrating a night of 2-1 victories over tough opponents

“Heh heh heh, I told you little men, that Nunes is a BIG man. Look at what happened. Look at what happened.”

What ‘happened’ is in fact, quite remarkable for such a new club. Last night, Cape Verde Pirates took down MS Odense 2-1 despite the fact that Sami ‘Psycho’ Arsal opened the scoring for the Danish side. Two goals from Pirates 18 year old talent Germano Leitão, and 31 year old veteran Nuno Ramalhão, took down the Superliga wannabees in a result which surprised all the neutrals. Pirates even dominated possession in the second half! Then, as if to show this was no fluke, they took on Cambodian side Beerschot Khmer away from home and again took a surprise 2-1 victory, despite only having a predicted 2.33% chance of winning, with a brace from speed merchant José Silvestre da Cruz! Nunes went on:

“You want to be big men, with your big mouths, and your big balls, but you are little fish. Men like me mock you, and then ignore you. What are you to men like me? Little shits with big shot mouths. Nothing more. Little chihuahua’s to be smoked on the barbecue. We said you would burn. Last night was the taste of flames licking at your heels. Yes, you have big history and big money… we are the big men though. Little shits. Hah.”

When asked about the behaviour of his club manager, club owner Lord Bebbington (speaking from his UK residence) would only say:

“Although I don’t condone outright provocation of fellow Federation teams and their players / managers, I would add that the Cape Verde personality is a very colourful and passionate one, and I’m sure something has been lost in translation. As far as I am concerned, the results on the pitch are what matters, and last night was a great little moment in the genesis of this club. Well done Mr. Nunes and his players.”

Whatever is happening on the small, idyllic (yet strangely bottle-strewn island of Boa Vista*) Mr. Nunes and his squad will no doubt be revealed over the coming season and seasons. For now though, nobody can deny that the challenges were thrown down by the opposition, and the Pirates came away with the spoils. Ahoy, me hearties – ’tis plundering time!

* Due to the odd anomaly that Boa Vista lacks its own island recycling centre, large swathes of bottle mountains can be found by the unsuspecting tourist.