Horus Falcons A Team Archive


A Championship Won – Everything else still up for grabs!

In their tenth HT-season, the Falcons brought home their fourth title in style, overwhelming South Moravian side FC Uplakánci 7-1 on Saturday last. The game saw Dutch forward, Merijn ‘Poliorcetes’ Esseling score the very first hattrick of his already illustrious career. Other Falcon stalwarts also got their names on the board, including the marvellous midfield duo of Mikhail Llosa and Manuele Prestandrea. With only a single game left in the league, the Falcons now have a four point advantage, guaranteeing them the title after three seasons in Division V.

João Portugal

The post-game celebrations in an almost sold out Falcon Nest (with 37.821 fan present) – the 179 empty seats apparently belonging to a small number of dissatisfied fans, unhappy with recent developments and decisions taken by the Falcon managerial board regarding the future of Brazilian coach João Portugal, the man responsible for the Falcon titles in divisions six (season 48) and five (season 51) – were extremely intense yet incredibly brief. Falcon manager H70 was seen sipping the tiniest glass of Moravian Sauvignon before ushering his team into the cloakroom to start preparations for the most important part of the season.

The past season can easily be described as the Falcons’ best ever – next to the Division V title, the Falcons also won season six of the HTUM Challenge Trophy and finished in the semi-finals of the seventh season of said tournament, falling only to I-League powerhouse Langer House, while the Falcon Fledglings brought home the HTUM U18 Championship and the HTUM Youth Cup. The most crucial games of the season still lie in the weeks ahead and hence the final analysis and evaluation of the past season will only be made in two weeks time (one never knows who might actually read the Falcon blog!).

Manager Politzia

In the league, direct promotion to Division IV appears as distant and unreal as a mirage in the desert, leaving the only available road to a higher division through a win in an away qualifier in a fortnight. At least if not even more important is the upcoming midweek home game in the Golden League as the Falcons host the knights of Rochdale United in the quarterfinals. Rochdale manager Politzia, in a recent interview, left little doubt that he will send his strongest eleven on the field come Wednesday, making the final result anything but a certainty.

Prague: Proud Host of the Golden League Quarterfinals!


H70, before setting of with the team to locations unknown, had only this to say: “Rochdale’s defence and goalkeeper are the stuff legends are made of. Anyone who watched their performance against the offensive power of FCOB Kamenice in the previous round must have been extremely impressed. At the Falcons we do a lot of things, we chat, we blog, we drink and party – but there’s one thing we don’t do – ever – we don’t go down without a fight! WE DIE HARD!”

It’s the Falcons versus Rochdale United, on Wednesday April 24, at 14.00. Only on HT!


A Question of Morality

Immanuel Kant, Friedrich Leibniz, Aristoteles, Søren Aabye Kierkegaard, David Hume and Georg Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel.

It could have been the line-up for the Falcons upcoming Round of Sixteen appearance against Finland’s Klaukkala Bears in the Golden League, but it is in fact a list of authors whose books were recently borrowed by the Falcon manager from the Klementinum Library in Prague. The gaffer is currently unavailable for comments on the Golden League playoff stage and rumour has it he has secluded himself in the Augustinian Abbey of St Thomas in Brno. His parting words to the board of the Falcon team were apparently “It is a question of morality”.

The Augustinian Abbey of St Thomas in Brno: Horus’ Hiding Hangout

But is it really? Rumours abound in the corridors of power of the Falcon headquarters, suggesting that the manager is throwing up a smoke-screen with his suddenly found morals and ethics. Is one supposed to truly believe that H70 is sitting in the cloister garden of the Abbey of Saint Thomas staring at peas, much like Abbott Gregor Mendel in the 1800s, and contemplating whether it would be morally acceptable to put the strongest possible line-up on the field in the playoff game against the Finnish Bears? Really? This is the Golden League, after all.

Unnamed sources close to the centre of Falcon power have insinuated and alluded in veiled innuendos that a power struggle in the very heart of the Falcon team and management might be at the basis of the manager’s sudden disappearance. The position of long time Falcon coach, the Brazilian magician João Portugal, has come under severe threat, despite the fact that this is the man responsible for the Falcons’ promotion to division V three seasons ago and the Falcon title run in the current season.

The unexpected arrival of Sangap Harianto, an experienced Indonesian midfielder with high leadership qualities – acquired without the coaches’ knowledge – has been interpreted as a first indication of the nearing end of João Portugal’s reign at the helm of the Falcons. It certainly was no coincidence that coach and player ostentatiously ignored one another when Harianto was exchanged 60 minutes into the Golden League game against Falcon’s arch-rival The Flaming Wodkas FC this past Wednesday evening.

A shouting match between various fractions within the Falcon board on the topic of the future of the Falcon coach one day later, overheard by dozens of passerby’s as someone had conveniently forgotten to close the window of the boardroom leading unto the main street, had an even more devastating effect upon team morale  One can only contemplate whether H70 has sought seclusion with the Augustinian brotherhood in an attempt to find a solution to the trouble brewing inside the Falcon team and management. Might H70 in fact not be looking for a moral vindication before launching a “night of the long knives”, purging team and management from subjects in disagreement with his plans for the future of the team? And who will decide the line-up for the first playoff round of the Golden League next Wednesday?

It’s the Klaukkala Bears of Finland versus the Horus Falcons, on Tuesday April 16 at 20.25. Live – only on HT!


The Ghost and The Darkness

‘The Darkness’

At a press conference late last night, after darkness had fallen over the city of Prague and not even a stray dog dared to venture out to harass a cat or two, the Falcon management presented to the gathered members of the media the youngest addition to the Falcon team: Daniel Rolník, also known to his team mates and the coaching staff as ‘The Darkness’.

Turned 17 only a few days ago, Daniel Rolník spent the last five months honing his skills and perfecting his talents among the Falcon Fledglings in the top division of the HTUM fed leagues. The technically gifted youngster played a total of 28 games for the Fledglings – both on the wing as in midfield – scoring 7 times and being voted ‘Fledgling of the Game’ on 8 occasions.

The Ghost and The Darkness
The 2012 Version

Daniel ‘The Darkness’ Rolník will be the first Fledgling to join the Falcon team since Oldřich ‘The Ghost’ Páleník (21), this season a steadfast presence in the Falcon defense in the league (and in midfield during Golden League games), did so three seasons ago. The hope of the Falcon nation is upon these two graduates of the Fledgling Academy as they are expected to dominate the Falcon midfield in the seasons to come. While ‘The Ghost’ took his time to find his place in midfield and defense, ‘The Darkness’ already comes with solid skills in midfield and on the wing.

The Ghost and The Darkness
The 1898 Version

At the press conference last evening, the spokesperson for the Falcon management expressed the hope that both players will soon be roaming the field like the original ‘The Ghost and the Darkness’, perhaps best known from the historical adventure movie of the same name (based on historical events that took place in 1898). The latter features two ferocious lions roaming the savannah that, having been forced to witness the particularly poor acting of Michael Douglas and Val Kilmer for days on end, go absolutely berserk and on a rampage tearing apart everything in their way. Their fierce behaviour earned them a place of honour in the Chicago Field Museum of Natural History. Perhaps some day in the future the stuffed version of ‘The Ghost and The Darkness’ will similarly be on display in the Golden League Hall of Fame Museum, currently under construction!

Do not miss out on the first performance of ‘The Ghost and The Darkness’: ‘The Darkness’ will make his official debut for the Falcons, at the side of ‘The Ghost’, tomorrow afternoon at 13.00 HT-time in a Golden League fixture in Belgium, where the team faces Ratatoulle of East Flanders!


A Dark Episode

The Darkness’ that has taken Prague by storm the last few weeks continues unabated, yet a breakthrough in this controversial case seems to be finally at hand! Various local press agencies reported that the founding father of the Falcons, the thus far rather elusive Horus70, was seen leaving the Motol Hospital in Prague in the company of several police officers early this morning. According to official sources, the Falcons manager had been a long time resident of the hospital recovering from a knee injury following a mysterious yet nasty fall in an undisclosed foreign country.

Manager Horus70 following plastic surgery?

Local tabloid B-Lesk, never known for its objective reporting, suggested in its latest edition that the ‘Falconer’s stay in hospital had more sinister undertones. The sensationalist tabloid alleged that Horus70’s reason for visiting the hospital had in fact to do with a series of extensive plastic operations resulting in a complete facial make-over. The tabloid did not hesitate in adding that even without the ‘Darkness’ controversy threatening the very existence of the manager, given his well-known ugly mug, it would under all circumstances be a smart move for Horus70 to change face. The so-called photo of Horus70 published by the tabloid, and reprinted on this blog with kind permission, leaves however room for a bucket-load of doubt as it can not be claimed for certain that the person depicted is indeed the Falcon head honcho after a first plastic surgery.

The numerous national and international media-teams gathered outside the Petschek Palace – the former Gestapo headquarters and currently the police centre of operations in Politických vězňů (‘The Political Prisoners street’) – were utterly flabbergasted (to say the least) when manager Horus70 left the building a free man in the company of the Falcon management a mere 30 minutes after his arrival to the police station. The police shortly afterwards issued a statement informing that no criminal charges were laid against the Falcon management and that a press conference, probably to be held on the last weekend of November at the Falcon headquarters, would provide detailed information on the case…


The Ace speaks out on ‘The Darkness’

The ‘Darkness’ controversy that has kept Prague and surroundings in a deadly, toxic grip this last week has in the mean spilled across the Czech borders and reached an international dimension. An officially sanctioned commission of Czech police investigators travelled the width of Germany towards the state of Denmark in an attempt to find out more about what has led to two intensive outbursts of extreme mass hysteria in Prague, leaving in its wake a multitude of shocked, frightened and foaming tourists and locals alike. The destination of the two police officers, identified as detective sergeant P.O. Máhat and detective inspector Ch. Ránit(*), was none other but the city of Odense on the island of Funen – the very centre of a hullabaloo shaking both the HTUM federation and the third season of the Golden League to its very core in recent weeks.

The Ace in MSO-kit

Police headquarters being what they are (as leaky as the coppery cauldron of a wicked witch in fifteenth century Europe), appalling and juicy extracts of the interview conducted between the two officers and Abdul-Aziz Al-Shamsi, also known as ‘The Ace’, quickly became available to most media in the Czech lands shortly after their return from Denmark. As faithful readers of ‘The Ace’s online diary will know, the young and talented Emirate player, voted best player of the second season of the Golden League, has recently left the Prague Falcons team for MS Odense. Some passages of the interview are reproduced on this blog-page as they shed new, shocking light on the reasons behind ‘The Ace’s sudden departure from Prague to Odense, his current ‘disastrous form’ (according to the latest training update) and a glimpse into the mystery that is ‘The Darkness’.

[Following the usual niceties at the very start of the interrogation, the two Czech police officers gently but persuasively made sure Danish police officials and a representative of the MS Odense team left the gloomy interview room after a few minutes and then got to work on ‘The Ace’]

Robot photo of detective sergeant P.O. Máhat

P.O. Máhat (while holding the Ace’s neck into a deadly grip): “Are you telling me that your move to Odense had ulterior motives?” The Ace (wheezing): “The offer … was more than decent – a good salary, the chance to play with lots of Golden League superstars, yes … but do you really think … I would have left the beauty that is Prague for Odense and the Falcons for MSO only for a bit of money and a few new team mates? … Honestly? … I knew what was coming! I overheard manager Horus70 talk about the ‘Coming of The Darkness’.

Ch. Ránit (slamming a hammer upon the table in the immediate vicinity of Ace’s tied hands): “When is this atrocity supposed to take place?” The Ace (wincing): “All I heard was that … it would be some time in … late November this year and how it would alter the Falcon team for good – and that I might be a victim of the changes to take place. I had no reason to find out more … all I wanted was to get out beforehand!

P.O. Máhat (putting a silencer on his service revolver, while shouting): “For good?!? For good?!? Nothing ‘good’ seems to be involved in this sordid affaire! Who or what is ‘The Darkness’?” The Ace (close to shrieking): “No one knows, except for a very few initiated who have the complete trust of Horus, his inner circle! … All I heard were whispers about a revolution…

Ch. Ránit (placing a bag over Ace’s head, while screaming in a high-pitched voice): “A revolution?! Something evil is about to happen? Are we talking about terrorism – a terrorist attack during a GL3 game? Is this ‘Darkness’ involved with recent controversies occurring in the GLS3? Are you the secret connection between Odense and Prague?” The Ace (shaking uncontrollably): “No … No … Nothing evil … All I felt when I was hearing Horus speak on the matter was a feeling of doom, a sense of destruction and devastation. I don’t know anything … Really…..

A shot rings out …

[Tape ends]

Rumours have reached the redaction of several Czech newspapers and TV-stations that upon the return of the police investigators from Denmark an international warrant was logged with Interpol for Falcon manager Horus70.

(*) P.O. Máhat and Ch. Ránit or ‘Pomáhat a Chránit’ – ‘To help and protect’; the official slogan of the Czech Police.