MiB’s (“Men in Black”) were spotted at the Falcon Nest late last night, whisking away some of the team management prior to the club’s journey to the Polish capital of Warsaw – the setting for the upcoming Golden League encounter between the Falcons and the Warsaw Scousers of manager Majeque. Following a short drive through inner city Prague the management was discreetly yet urgently deposited at the Czech Ministry of Foreign Affairs on Prague’s Castle Hill. No foreign department officials awaited the Falcons upon their arrival, but rather members of the Bezpečnostní informační služba (BIS or the ‘Czech Security Information Service’) and the Státní úřad pro jadernou bezpečnost (SÚJB or ‘State Office for Nuclear Safety’).
With the trip to Warsaw only hours away, the Falcon management received in the utmost secrecy vital information on what is supposedly hidden beneath the Greenhouse Arena of the Warsaw Scousers. The name of the Scousers’ stadium – nomen omen – allegedly refers to the famous “Operation Greenhouse” – the designation of the fifth US nuclear test series or the first to test principles that would eventually lead to the development of thermonuclear weapons (hydrogen bombs). The main aim of these tests was to reduce the size, weight, and most importantly, the amount of fissile material necessary for nuclear weapons, while increasing the destructive power. The tests took place on the Enewetok Atoll (Marshall Islands) in the Pacific and were generally thought to have concluded back in 1951. It has however long been whispered in the shady corridors of power that the project secretly continued, but only recently some evidence surfaced indicating that by all accounts ‘Operation Greenhouse’ had found a home in Warsaw following the inclusion of Poland into NATO in 1999.
According to the SÚJB bureaucrats, the Scousers’ Greenhouse Arena (cap. 39.000) is built on top of a huge underground complex of testing areas and laboratories. It is rumoured that Paweł Uszok, the talented and powerful Scousers inner midfielder, is in fact experimenting with a new and highly reduced nuclear weapon hidden in the tip of his right booth. The small load allegedly adds extra strength to his already legendary kicks. BIS officials moreover informed the Falcon management that they had overheard conversations between members of the Scousers’ board which place the recent dismissal of Scousers coach Dawid Stańko in an entirely different light. The many conflicts between the coach and team manager Majeque, even fought out on the Scousers’ team blog on HTU, might in fact have nothing to do with the team’s performance, but rather with Stańko’s incapability of solving the many problems associated with the miniaturization and performance of this nuclear weapon in Uszok’s boot. It is a public secret that Stańko’s successor, Belgian coach Timo De Quint, has a PhD in
unclear nuclear physics from a well-renowned US university…
In order to survive this encountered unharmed, the Falcon players have been issued the most up-to-date anti-nuclear shin pads to avoid getting into close physical contact with this ominous boot. The team was concomitantly equipped with the latest in sensor technology in order to measure the slightest form of nuclear activity released whenever Paweł Uszok’s boot and ball connect.
Will the Falcons discover the truth about what lies beneath the Greenhouse Arena in Warsaw? It promises to be an explosive game, this Wednesday evening at 18.05 HT-time, when the Falcons face the Scousers in Warsaw!