Famous people Archive

3445

:::The Most Evil Mascot in the World:::

Captain Spandex Ballet

Captain Spandex Ballet was fit and he knew it! He was not evil like the new guy. He was a goodie two shoes guy and only had two pairs of good shoes -

Following the tragic death of the team’s former mascot 3 months ago, Þórshamar’s manager decided that the time of grieving had passed and the position of the team mascot had to be filled.

After the sudden death of Captain Spandex Ballet, which the coroner ruled as “Hyper-allergic-reaction-to-spandex“, the fans of Þórshamar were devastated, even though he died during his first show at the stadium and nobody knew who he was.
A memorial service was held at his favorite local fast food restaurant, CrapDonalds, and the body was buried in a shallow little lake near his home.

But today the fans can rejoice again, because a new mascot is in town.
His name is Darth Vader and some people might remember him from the films “Honey, I choked the kids” and “Dude, where’s my lightsaber?“.
Lord Vader, as his minions address him, will be performing his spectacular show before kick-off and at half time during home games at Asgard stadium to get the audience going.

I caught Darth Vader earlier today and asked him a few questions.

JJJ: “Welcome Lord Vader. How do you like Iceland?” -

DV: “Thank you rebelscum. Well it’s a little bit colder than I expected. But nothing compared to Hoth I tell you!” -

JJJ: “Is it true that you once turned down a leading role as Mr. Spock in Star Trek?” -

DV: “Yes, that is true. I didn’t find the script evil enough. For instance, there was no dark side or an evil emperor. So I gave that show the finger.” -

JJJ: “Can you tell me a little what the fans can expect from your show in the coming future?” -

Darth Vader arrives at Asgard stadium today. He is a hunk of evil that fellow. Even his luggage is pure evil. -

DV: “Yes I can. I will reenact some scenes from my past movies. Mostly involving choking some lucky volunteer from the audience to death.” -

“I will also perform a stunt I haven’t been practicing much, swallowing my lightsaber. Last time I performed that stunt was a long time ago in another galaxy far, far away.” -

“Also I will do some magic tricks for the kids and make an elephant disappear.” -

JJJ: “Thank you Lord Vader for your time and not using the force to choke me to death.” -

John Jay Johnsson -
Local reporter for HTU in Fáskrúðsfjörður -
Iceland -

153

:::New famous stadium announcer:::

Yup, it’s official. There have been some rumors floating around the stadium and the town for the past weeks, and now they have been confirmed by the board of Þórshamar.

Elvis Presley is the new stadium announcer at Asgard stadium.

76 years old and still looks like a teenager - Minus the teeth

The famous singer, which gave up his singing career in 1977, decided to move to Hawaii to become a volcano specialist, but got on the wrong plane and ended as a flufffarmer on a small island east of Iceland, harvesting down from birds and selling them to Japan. He also became an avid rock collector.

Back then, for some strange reason, half of the earth population thought he had passed away on a bathroom floor somewhere in America because he didn’t leave a note on the kitchen table saying he was leaving.
But the simple truth is that he just got tired of the glamor lifestyle, the tight jump suits and just wanted a break from it all.

I met up with Mr. Presley earlier and asked him few questions.

“So Mr. Presley, tell me how you decided to become Þórshamar’s new stadium announcer.”

“I’m sorry…I forgot to remember to forget. You see I’m all shook up from the flight last night.”

“Ah…a little jet lag going on? I hope you got a decent hotel room though.”

“Yes, I got a nice room at the Heartbreak hotel. Thank you very much.”

“Is it true that you have been writing incognito, songs for famous bands and singers in your spare time for the last 30 years or so?”

“No.”

“Oh, sorry. I must have been misinformed.”

“Can I go now? I’m beginning to forget you.”

“Please Mr. Presley! Don’t be cruel!”

“It’s now or never. I’ve got to find my baby.”

“Your baby?”

“Yes, my cat. I’ve gone and lost it.”

“You sure have Mr. Presley. You sure have.”

That concluded our interview as Mr. Presley fell asleep in his chair.

I can safely say that meeting the legendary Elvis Presley was not what I expected.
He seemed a little…off and smelly.
But I’m sure once he is behind the microphone announcing players and missing children at the Asgard stadium, everyone will know him for what he is.

The king lives!

John Jay Johnsson -

Local reporter for HTU in Fáskrúðsfjörður -
Iceland -