The mental stability of manager essenn has been the biggest talking point over the past few weeks down at Satellite 15.
Having narrowly missed out on claiming the IV.53 title by a single goal last season, it’s believed that essenn totally lost the plot and went into a meltdown of sorts. In an extraordinary off-season, the manager sold no less than 5 players and bought in just 2 new faces. But it was the signing of Rob Arkell that caused all the concerns about essenn’s well-being.
“There’s nothing wrong with me… honestly! Sure, I was pretty pissed off that we missed out by a single fucking goal – but I’m over that now. Sure, I did spend about AU$13 million dollars for a 21 y.o. striker – so what, because I paid well over his transfer value does that make me insane?”
As laughter erupted amongst the gathered press, some smartass within the room thought it would be wise to question essenn about his sanity and decision making of late…
“What was that mate? I’m pretty sure I saw you down at the Esplanade today sucking farts out of dead seagulls, so you’re the last person to question me about my mental condition! As it stands, the Pigs have 2 great young wingers from the YA screaming for some training. We also have a few former Piglets that have been trained up forward for the past few seasons that also need some wing experience, but Arkell shits all over them and takes priority – he’ll rip IV.53 a new one as well as getting trained out wide every week! So who’s the crazy one now fella? Do I really look that fuckin stupid…”
It was then that Ova Dunn stepped in and escorted essenn off the stage. He apologized for the language used by the manager, and also for his behavior. But before he knew it, essenn was front and centre once again…
“Call me insane, I don’t give a shit – but Arkell will help us, and in return we’ll help Arkell and Oceania – easy as that! We’re still in the hunt for the title this season, mark my words. We’re not Twisted yet, sister… we are still the Leader of the Pack!”