LATEST HUP NEWS
9

MSO/FCT Chairman Hojris In Drunken Stunt?

This image purports to show HTUM Fed founder Hojris in a drunken stupor: is all as it seems?

An image was mailed through to HUP this evening, apparently showing MSO and Football Club Tranquebar President and HTUM Federation Founder Johnny ‘Hojris’ Hansen in an alleyway spraying graffiti onto the walls and staggering as if not in control of his own movement, most likely due to alcohol or narcotics. The HUP phonelines have been hot all evening, but closer analysis of the picture suggests that all may not be as it seems.

The image was taken some time not long after The Lost Saxons managed a hugely damaging win against Football Club Tranquebar in the Golden League fixture last Tuesday (27th July), and the graffiti in the image reads: “BACON! Spek-takular win.”

Now, we know that Bacon is a significant commodity in Denmark, the home nation of Mr. Hojris, but why would he be celebrating a defeat to one of the original Platinum team rivals to FCT? It makes no sense to us. With this in mind, we await further analysis of the image to find out the true story. Do any of you have any ideas about the real background to this image? Let us know in the comments section.

In other news

Raszków Jazz suffered a significant setback in the title challenge early on Sunday morning after squandering a 2-0 lead with ten minutes to go. The Jazz are now 5 points off top spot and it looks unlikely they will be able to turn this around in the six remaining games.

In England, The Lost Saxons continued their dominance in division V.171 as they took apart bot team Fallen Chelsea with a score of 10-1. At half-time, it looked like further goals may be hard to come by with the score standing at 4-1, but the Saxons fans went home happy in the end. Saxons now have a +15 goal advantage over second-placed Rochdale United. Rochdale face a tricky fixture against Ascalon next weekend, with Saxons looking to revenge recent dropped points against Barnet Forever, who lost 4-0 to Rochdale United themselves earlier.

Stateside, and NYC Peregrines went down 2-0 against arzei halevanon in the league, though Brisko Boumann is steadily building an all-round even sector team, and looks to be following in the footsteps of The Saxons as he is focusing on bringing through youth players who are being trained in midfield. One big difference between NYCP and The Saxons though, is that the English team already had established wingers before the inner training began. It will be interesting to see where Peregrines finish this season, and what the season beyond holds for them and their fans.

We finish tonight then, with one final comment on the picture we started with, and it comes from Alin Badiu. Alin, former Youth League predictor-extraordinaire and former RFC-TV commentator alongside Ernst-Jan Bracké, had this to say:

MON DIEU! MONSIEUR HOJRIS! POURQUOI!? POURQUOI!

6

RU Serious?

Have you seen the latest attempt at serious journalism from Rochdale United? We have, and we think there are a few typos.

The article, entitled ‘Mayhem cranks up the rivalry’ is surely riddled with mistakes as we feel it should read as ‘Mayhem cracks up – revelry!’ Why do we think this? Let’s analyse the content of the article:

1 – Mr Mayhem today was overheard talking about Lord Bebbington and his lost Saxons in a supposedly secret meeting.

Supposedly secret? Blatantly leaked seems more appropriate. In fact, we doubt normal Rochdale board meetings, sorry… bored meetings are worth writing home about.

2 –  He has been quoted as saying the Saxons have been lucky this season, riding on a crest of good will and misguided fanaticism.

Lucky? Yes, Saxons have been lucky this season, and they have been unlucky. This is the same for all teams, but there are definite games where points have been dropped. However, less obvious to find a game where the points haven’t been deserved. How about the comment about misguided fanaticism? Hmm. We just don’t know where this has come from. We think the chairman of RU might be ‘losing the plot’ himself. Perhaps it all started last season when Saxons beat Rochdale in a crunch match to decide the league fate of both teams. Perhaps it became more of an obsession for him when Saxons held Rochdale 2-2 at the start of the season, frustrating the Black Knights. We just don’t know.

3 – He’s reported as claiming not a single player from the Saxons side would get a game in the United lineup due to their sheer incompetence, and inability to put on a shirt, nevermind kick a ball.

Well, now there are some well-established players near the ends of their careers in the United squad, some had caps when they were younger, others have played in the HT Masters. Where are the young players getting caps though? Simple answer – there currently are none. Inability to put on a shirt Mr. Mayhem? Martin Frain knows how to wear two: Saxons and England U-20. Enough said.

Now, perhaps we’re being too harsh. Maybe his words were taken out of context. It can happen right? Well, sure. But the next quote from the RU article is far more controversial, and as such, we can confirm that the Saxons board said the following when we informed them of it:

“We take such comments very seriously, and as a result we will be forwarding these comments to the GL Council and asking the President to investigate forthright. We won’t be making any further comments at this time, and will wait for the GL President to respond.”

So, what did RU blog write? Here it is:

Looking at the table however, Saxons sit top of the league by a single point over United, so you may wonder why Mr Mayhem would say this, our sources state that Mr Mayhem had put that down to bribes with the referee and opposition…

It is at this point, that we will bring our article to a close with the following question to our readers: what do you make if it all, and what do you think the GL should do about it?

4

Jazz Fest!

Perseverance pays off – ‘Torpeda’ opens the scoring on 3 minutes

“He isn’t the most skillful, or the most talented, but what he is good at is getting the ball in the back of the net. That’s what he gets paid for, and that’s why he plays.” – Coach Finozzi, on the subject of Macholl.

Raszków Jazz had a strong victory over Armia Polska in front of a 21,657 crowd at The Raszków Arena this Sunday morning, keeping them in touching distance of 1st place in the league. The Jazz sit on 15 points, behind Cześki Jędrusiowe’s 18 points.

Bonifacy Macholl is now on 4 goals for the league campaign, alongside fellow Jazz player Dragoş Panici. They are only 1 goal behind the current top scorer, and no doubt will be hungry for more in the weeks to come.

“It’s great to pull on the Jazz stripes,” said a delighted Macholl, “I know I might not play in this team forever, that the club are focusing on working their way up from the back, but I know that the manager has faith in me. He’s told me that I’m not to worry about anything apart from trying to score goals, no matter who the opposition is, and that’s what I’ll do.”

Dragoş may have been passing on some tips, as the experienced midfielder did get an U-20 cap for Moldova in his early playing days. It was Dragoş Panici who scored the 2nd goal on 34 minutes, after an attack down the left freed him and with only the keeper to beat he didn’t disappoint.

It wasn’t the easiest surface to play on, with heavy rains soaking the turf, but goals by Smolarz before the break and Vykidaylo not long after the restart would kill the game off as a competition. There were more chances, but none taken.

Neutrals and myself would agree, that it is the front-line of The Jazz which lacks in comparison to the other parts of the team, but at the moment it seems former Bad Seeds player Finozzi is content to send them out in league and midweek games, while Leszek ‘The Future’ Pudelek continues his development between the sticks.

Sadly, it was Leszek’s understudy Birk Vinther who suffered a 4 week injury just before half-time.

Hall of Famer, Lee ‘Jazz’ Bebbington (Lord Bebbington’s son and also club medic) said that they would be giving Birk intensive physiotherapy and help him to recover as soon as he could, so that he would play a key role in the title run-in.

IN OTHER NEWS

This early evening, The Lost Saxons look to extend their winning run in the league away to Fallen Chelsea. Neutrals are expecting Saxons to rout the home team, and put more pressure on Rochdale United (in 2nd place) via goal difference. Rochdale themselves, are away to Barnet Forever who stole a point from Saxons last week in a match that Reynaldo Himler (see: Chins Up) will no doubt be looking to exorcise a few ghosts.

Edit: Saxons won 8-0 😉