“Balls… Balls…”

He is the scariest member of Raszk贸w Revival’s first-team squad by far… and it is perhaps an over-reliance on Moonshine Vodka that has resulted in his ‘zombie-like’ appearance… his moves on the field on the other hand, are anything but cumbersome. “Balls… balls?” – We agree, give him the ball and let his zombie feet do the talking. We sent one of our braver reporters to interview the new fan ‘cult’ favourite.

– So, Mr. Breitenlohner, or shall I call you Zombie?

*Deadpan silence*

– Ahem, well, ok… how do you feel being an integral part of the developing Revival wing-attack?


– Well, I mean, how do you…


– Sorry, what?


– Balls? I didn’t think my opening question was that controversial…

“Give me balls…”

– Ah, I see. As a part of the new wing-attack, you just want to be supplied with passes out to the wing, so you can go on the offensive?

*Stares blank-faced… then groans almost inaudibly*

– Er… ok. I’ll take that as a yes. Fans also want to know, about the fight you’ve faced to overcome addiction to vodka, and regain your status as a cult figure in the Revival squad? How hard is it to play with a club associated with one of the most famous exports of Poland?

“Vodka? Where vodka? No… Richardt must resist. I need balls…”

– So your fight goes on?

“No fight. Only balls. You want fight?”

– No, no, I don’t want a fight! Heaven forbid… I think I’ve got enough for my editor now and…

*Stands and moves towards me*

“Balls… fight… balls… vodka… you give me vodka, or I fight… and I rip your”


[End of interview]