Club Criticism Archive


Saxons Bury Rochdale

It was the game to totally humiliate their opponents and firmly cement the club’s credentials as significant title contenders with two games to go. The Lost Saxons beat Rochdale United 3-0 on Sunday evening to cause the rival club owner to go into meltdown and threaten an almost total clearout of United players following the end of the season, this despite his team being in the top 3 both domestically and in the GL Championship (both interestingly enough, behind Saxons who occupy first place in both.)

Here at Lord B’s Dynasty blog, we can also reveal that the club owner of The Saxons has been in contact with the Saxons board to state:

Saxons are without a doubt, now for the first time, my flagship club. Congratulations!

Quite a statement, as Lord B has been known to hold The Jazz (formerly Flaming Wodkas) as his flagship team, but now the rebuilt side from the Faroe Islands, situated in the beautiful south of Cheshire in the north-west of England seems to have stolen that crown.

The game was dominated by Saxons throughout, with the controversial Mr. Mayhem claiming he wouldn’t get home early enough to watch the first half and that no doubt his team would have scored three by then. How wrong he was – totally the opposite in fact, with Rochdale finding themselves 3-0 down by half-time.

Glatzel, Himler and Kostorenko were the players who did the damage, but let’s be honest – Saxons could have had more and in total fired 11 shots in on the United goal, to their opponents measly one! Dale’s defence were stronger than Saxons, but only just… United played  5 at the back though with Saxons only putting out 3 defenders. Considering that United’s attack have been lauded in recent week’s by their owner, they were nowhere to be seen in this game. Perhaps this was why on United’s own blog they go into detail about how Mayhem went ‘manic’ at half-time in their dressing room.

The crazed owner had earlier claimed he would report Saxons to the GL President for making ‘death threats’, but any educated sports columnist could see this was simply a metaphor for defeat at The Burial Ground. Clearly more nonsensical ragings from an owner who seems to have lost control? We’ll let you decide.

Well done, Saxons – now only two games to go to win the title. Can history be made? We’re in the ‘yes’ camp. As for the United fans, we think this picture from the local press this morning makes their feelings pretty clear.

Click to enlarge

RU Serious?

Have you seen the latest attempt at serious journalism from Rochdale United? We have, and we think there are a few typos.

The article, entitled ‘Mayhem cranks up the rivalry’ is surely riddled with mistakes as we feel it should read as ‘Mayhem cracks up – revelry!’ Why do we think this? Let’s analyse the content of the article:

1 – Mr Mayhem today was overheard talking about Lord Bebbington and his lost Saxons in a supposedly secret meeting.

Supposedly secret? Blatantly leaked seems more appropriate. In fact, we doubt normal Rochdale board meetings, sorry… bored meetings are worth writing home about.

2 –  He has been quoted as saying the Saxons have been lucky this season, riding on a crest of good will and misguided fanaticism.

Lucky? Yes, Saxons have been lucky this season, and they have been unlucky. This is the same for all teams, but there are definite games where points have been dropped. However, less obvious to find a game where the points haven’t been deserved. How about the comment about misguided fanaticism? Hmm. We just don’t know where this has come from. We think the chairman of RU might be ‘losing the plot’ himself. Perhaps it all started last season when Saxons beat Rochdale in a crunch match to decide the league fate of both teams. Perhaps it became more of an obsession for him when Saxons held Rochdale 2-2 at the start of the season, frustrating the Black Knights. We just don’t know.

3 – He’s reported as claiming not a single player from the Saxons side would get a game in the United lineup due to their sheer incompetence, and inability to put on a shirt, nevermind kick a ball.

Well, now there are some well-established players near the ends of their careers in the United squad, some had caps when they were younger, others have played in the HT Masters. Where are the young players getting caps though? Simple answer – there currently are none. Inability to put on a shirt Mr. Mayhem? Martin Frain knows how to wear two: Saxons and England U-20. Enough said.

Now, perhaps we’re being too harsh. Maybe his words were taken out of context. It can happen right? Well, sure. But the next quote from the RU article is far more controversial, and as such, we can confirm that the Saxons board said the following when we informed them of it:

“We take such comments very seriously, and as a result we will be forwarding these comments to the GL Council and asking the President to investigate forthright. We won’t be making any further comments at this time, and will wait for the GL President to respond.”

So, what did RU blog write? Here it is:

Looking at the table however, Saxons sit top of the league by a single point over United, so you may wonder why Mr Mayhem would say this, our sources state that Mr Mayhem had put that down to bribes with the referee and opposition…

It is at this point, that we will bring our article to a close with the following question to our readers: what do you make if it all, and what do you think the GL should do about it?



“There’s no  other word for it – lamentable!”  – Wodkas chairman Lord Bebbington, speaking after his team’s 1-1 away draw to KsG_GóRniK_ZaBrZe in the league, this Sunday 20th March.

Welcome back to the Wodkas blog, Noblemen and neutrals alike! It has been a VERY LONG time since Hattrick United allowed us to update our beloved blog. Sadly though, now that we can, we bring you news of another disappointing result.

For long periods of this game, ZaBrZe played a pressing tactic, which was more like a ‘de’pressing tactic, and it was even more dismal for the travelling fans when the home side went 1-0 up in the first half. Thank heavens for Hubert ‘Polski-Speed’ Krosnowski, who scored on 69 minutes after replacing ‘Snipinho’, who still isn’t at full fitness after some weeks of heavy bruising.

Nevertheless, another draw for Wodkas. It leaves them 4 points off the top spot and a game against the league leaders next week at home. We look at the strengths and weaknesses of the current Wodkas side, and where they might finish by the end of week 14. To do so, we spoke to youth team manager and Wodkas Hall-of-Famer, Elco ‘The Showboat’ Temmink.

“We all know what talent there is in defence, and it was again on display today, despite letting the opposition score. To be fair, Marcin Listosz is a head specialist, he’s not a great technical player. He just didn’t anticipate quickly enough the tricks and skills of the opposition striker, and so he got left behind and we conceded a goal we couldn’t really afford.

When you look at the opposition’s previous league results, today’s side was a big surprise. Look at last weekend’s game for them, for instance, they only brought a poor midfield and lost 5-1. Today, it looked like they had purchased a brand new squad and brought midfield that overpowered us. In truth, they hadn’t brought in any new personnel, and played a strong tactic. Their stamina conditioning was their undoing, and I worry that against a fitter team, Wodkas wouldn’t get the gaps and chances that Zabrze provided in the 2nd half. It was also a massive boost for Mszyca that the home team lost a player to a red card, and of course, we all know what a fresh Hubert Krosnowski can do to backlines.”

What then, of Wodkas possible final league standing?

“Some bad results over the past three weeks means I don’t see Wodkas finishing in the top 2, but it is feasible. Realistically, I think Wodkas will churn out a midtable qualifier position, and I hope it’s 3rd rather than 4th. But with no real financial punch right now, with all the club’s money invested in their goalkeeper and defensive trainees, you can’t see the club putting out a stronger midfield or attack than it did today. The only improvement I see happening over the next 9 weeks is in the physical conditioning of the players, meaning that they will remain stronger for longer during their games. I hope this benefits the forwards and midfielders too, meaning we might sneak a few goals towards the ends of games, which in all truth, I don’t think we’re capable of right now.”

Next up are Clan Phoenix in the opening game of Golden League Season 8 in midweek. With the reserve team playing, don’t expect much in the form of improvement come Thursday morning. Give it another season though, and things might be a little different…



Over-confident new signing Sami Arsal was brought back down to Earth away from home against Jastrzab this Sunday morning, as Wodkas went down 3-1 to a much stronger Division 7 team. In all fairness though, it could have been a different story until the incident on 42 minutes which changed the face of the game.

“We were matching Jastrzab all over the park, with a much stronger midfield performance now that Sami, Fivos and Aybars were playing alongside each other. The reckless foul on Aybars was a disgrace though, and should have seen a different colour card, that’s for sure.” – Coach Mszyca.

It was on 42 minutes that Jastrzab’s left winger, Donald Chlanda, made an atrocious tackle from behind on the veteran Uysal. The former AS Uijeongbu 07 player crashed to the turf in agony and had to be stretchered off. This caused mayhem in the Wodkas plans, and coach Mszyca was forced to come on and play. It put the formation of Wodkas right out, and from then on they were fighting a losing battle against a more organised, and more fit opponent.

Wodkas never really looked like getting back into the game, even when Makagonov scored a first-half equaliser, and the home team ran away rampant 3-1 winners. It could have been even more.

One league game left, Wincalowicz suspended, Aybars injured. Wodkas maybe have spent too much and have too small of a squad. Then again, does the end of this campaign actually matter that much? The final game is a guaranteed three points for the Raszkowians, but the future looks less certain.