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4

Charlie Boy Announces Retirement!

Breaking News today, as we reveal that Charlie Boy has announced his retirement!

Charles ‘Charlie Boy’ Colbourne, is a legend at United and it’s hard to remember a time that Charlie wasnt in the squad. A product of the Youth System, he was signed up at 15, before joining the senior squad at 17. He made an England U20 appearance and was voted HTUM Goalkeeper of the season five times S49-53 and S56.

As Charlie Boy passes his 39th birthday, he has assessed his future at the club and his ability to continue at this level. He now feels that he wants to go out at the top of his game, he doesnt wish to become a bit part in the club. With 440 matches already under his belt, he holds the club appearance record, which will likely not be beaten for a long time yet.

The catch, and Yes there is a catch… Charlie Boy isn’t retiring until the end of Season 68, so yes, one more season for Charlie Boy to extend his appearance record, one more season for Mr Mayhem to find a replacement keeper, and One more season to win Silverware.

2

Title race over

Dale will once again miss out on top spot, this time to Cronies fc. The failings of the side is starting to become habit for the Manchester club, as they once more finish in second place. Dale have improved in front of goal this season, but defensively they haven’t seemed quite as strong, if Mr Mayhem can tighten the defence and keep the goals coming, next season could prove to be the season Dale finally return to series IV.

Dales final match of the season sees them face the new champions Cronies fc, Cronies will be looking for auto promotion, but a Dale victory could spoil their party, and potentially lead to them needing a playoff. Dale will also want to finish the season on a high.

Mr Mayhem refuses to be drawn on the subject of transfers, stating that he is always looking for better players, and if the right prospect appears they will make moves.

There is a situation developing at Dale regarding the players however, that Mr Mayhem refuses to comment on, the ageing Charlie Boy, is almost 39 now, and its only a matter of time before he retires. Are Dale covered if rumours are true, and he retires at the end of the season? They do have one other keeper, Amaireh, who at 28 has proved to be a decent replacement, but after him, Dale dont have any senior squad keepers. Should Charlieboy retire, and Amaireh get injured or banned, they have no cover at all.

1

Season review

As the end of season approaches, with only four matches remaining, two wins will secure a top four finish. Dale sit second, five points off top spot, and looking at the remaining fixtures, whilst not impossible, it looks unlikely they will be able to overhaul the lead Cronies have at the top of the table. So what happens now? Do Dale look towards preparing an assault on the league next season, or keep pushing for a top spot this season, is it possible to do both? Mr Mayhem is known for throwing his toys out of the pram when things dont go quite his way, but its also proven to be a successful method, as he brings in new players from the profits of those he sells, who take the club a step further towards that top spot and a promotion back to series four. The perennial underachievers, keep missing out on promotion back to four, and looks like they will again this season, so will Mr Mayhem make sales to bring in better replacements now, or wait till the title is achieved, or the chance has passed.

History dictates, Mr Mayhem will wait till the title run is over, but with prices being higher at that time and him being a touch unpredictable, I guess we will have to wait and see. At the end of the day all Dale can do is keep winning, and hope Cronies slip up somewhere, before Dale meet them in the final match of the season.

In other news, the Sharpshooter has now hit 10 league goals, and will be looking for more in the remaining four matches. He continues to push for an U20 spot for England, and he is growing into an integral part of the Dale squad, and at only 19, the world is his oyster.

Charlieboy continues to confound critics who say he is past it, and keeps racking up appearances. By far and away, the highest capped player for Dale, he keeps breaking records, and Charlieboy himself has said he plans to keep playing a little longer yet.

Recently announced, Hernandez has the unenviable record of being the first player to score an own goal in the GL. This record is subject to an investigation yet, but its currently considered to be correct. Hard luck Hernandez.

Next up, Dale travel away to face Ascalon who they leapfrogged on sunday, to move into second. A strong, high scoring victory is expected, after Ascalon hit administration and released all their players.

4

Charlieboy; This is your Life!

Red book only

 

Farroni: Welcome to the Golden League Headquarters, here in Poland. Today we have an honoured guest, who was invited here under false pretence. So without further ado, It gives me great pleasure to say to the great Charles ‘Charlieboy’ Colbourne, This is your life!

<Mr Mayhem and Charlieboy enter>

Farroni: So Mr Mayhem, I know you came down on the train with him today, did he ask any awkward questions?

Mayhem: We nearly got off on the wrong foot once, he said to me, ‘I thought you were staying over in London last night’, and immediately I said ‘well Charlie, we had a youth match last night’, he said, ‘thats right, I should have been there only I thought it would be put off due to frost’, so I managed to get away with it.

Farroni: Well thank goodness you got him here, Mr Mayhem as one of his longest serving managers, what would you say was his greatest personal achievement?

Mayhem: Well I would have to say it was something I wasn’t there to see, he made his first U20 appearance for England after being snubbed for the tournament despite being the best keeper available.

baby mod

Farroni: The story starts in the industrial town of Rochdale where you were born into a family with footballing tradition, four uncles are professional players. But at the start of your career Charlie when your selected for the school team you ran straight into a problem, you saved to many shots.

<Soundbite> I had to put a stop to it, the rule was to beat the opposing team, not to destroy their morale completely.

Farroni: Your first ever manager, the school master who was your primary school manager, Jeff Dunlop, here he is.

Dunlop: I was often the referee as well, and when they were beating the opposition to well, I would often blow for mythical fouls, handballs and offsides just to keep the score down.

Farroni: So Charlie, your team were unbeaten for three years, but when your time at school came to an end, so nearly did your football. You won a scholorship, but to a grammar school that only played rugby, however you were saved by the only transfer in your football career, arranged by your parents John and Mary Colbourne.

<Mr & Mrs C enter>

Farroni: Obviously getting that transfer proved right because your boy goes on to be a schoolboy international, and not long after you had football club scouts on your doorstep from all over the country.

Mrs C: Yes it was so bad we often had one at the front door and one at the back and we had to keep them separated. John would go into the front with one whilst I spoke to the other in the kitchen at the back of the house. We were terrified that one of them would say something and the other one would hear.

Farroni: What with four professional brothers Mary, you would have been able to help with his training.

Mrs C: Thats right, one of the scouts at the schoolboy trials said that if he could move a bit faster he would be amazing, so I took him down to the park and we ran drills getting him to react quicker on his line, of course he got his place, but it wasnt through me, he got it himself as he had the ability.

Farroni: I’m sure Charlie, you thought she was a pretty good trainer.

Charlieboy: Yes, she was, I also had my Grandad as well, going through drills with me when my mother couldn’t. He played a great part in my early days as well.

Farroni: To reach the top you worked hard, playing football whenever and wherever you could, and even against players much older than yourself. It wasn’t long before the scouts of Rochdale United were knocking on your door, and you agreed at the age of fifteen to sign a youth contract with the club, under the tutorlage of Politzia, and joined their youth academy, that would later change their name in honour of your ability and legendary status at the club. And here he is, your former manager, Politzia.

Politzia: When I first went to watch Charlie, I saw him leave the field with his arm around his mother, so I approached her and said that before he was twenty-one he would play for England U20’s, and he did. I’m just pleased that he decided to sign with us and that he managed to play for the U20’s.

Farroni: At twenty-three you met the love of your life, and your future wife, the then Miss Charlotte Rigby, it was a whirlwind romance and you married a year later.

<Charlotte enters>

Farroni: I believe that when Charlie proposed to you he took out an engagement diary, is that right?

Charlotte: Well not so much an engagement diary and more a fixture list really. I had to be fitted in between seasons and the Golden League tournament.

Farroni: Well Charlie, you continued to play a major role in the rebuilding of the United team, and a few years later you realised your dream of playing in the Golden League final against X-Team, unfortunately your on the losing side in a three-one defeat.

Charlieboy: Yes, it was a dream come true, as you pointed out the result wasn’t what I hoped for, but its the pinnacle of Hattrick football, and just the atmosphere itself inside the stadium will live long in the memory.

<Soundbite> When I saw the teamsheet, we knew he would be a big threat.

Farroni: Yes, thats right, Xuturo, the manager of X-team is here.

Xuturo manager profile GLXuturo: United were famous for their defence, but getting past their defence was only half the job, beating Charlie was a mammoth task on its own. The scoreline that night hides what a tough time we had facing Charlie, he’s certainly one of the best.

Farroni: Over the years United has become a part of many a rivalry, you particularly have an ongoing rivalry. The relationship between Rochdale and Odense has been friendly and much has been learned from both sides. The rivalry between Charlie and Odense goalkeeper Goldenboy Paolo Baggio started with two young talents at age 17 – Both with great skills and U20 dreams. Through the following seasons the rivalry got bigger and bigger with many peers voting for the two in the prestigious HTU Awards.

<Baggio enters>

Farroni: Welcome Baggio, how do you see the rivalry between you both?

Baggio: I may have won the battle regarding my U20 and NT career and also with a Hattrick Masters match on the record list, but Charlie has done a much greater thing. Being a 5 time, HTUA best goalkeeper winner -with four of them in a row – is memorable like only few things in this world. Another remarkable achievement is his loyalty and respect for Rochdale. To stay at his childhood club and representing Rochdale for close to 450 matches is a record few can match.

Farroni: Back in 2013 Langer House manager AzeemClark said that “MS Odense is the best place for goalkeepers, but the greatest of them all might be the man from Rochdale”. The recognition from Baggio to his long time rival has been heard many times and the words before a Golden League match in 2014 “He is an excellent goalkeeper” was his comment on Charlie Boy. The true respect and honour the best players can get is from the players on the same level. That is why Baggio vs Charlie Boy is still making headlines today.
The rivalry was friendly and intense from day one and when goalkeepers are trained today the teams want to get talents to the level of Charlie Boy because then they get the best they can get.

Farroni: More recently a new rivalry has started to develop in the form of Wodka’s young keeper Leszek Pudełek. I believe you met Leszek prior to him signing for Wodka’s is this correct?

Charlieboy: Thats right, It was at one of the coaching course’s that I have been running. It’s not often we get players traveling from overseas to join the course, but Leszek was one of the few. He showed great potential, and I suggested to the boss that we should try to sign him but unfortunately he chose Wodka’s.

<Leszek enters>

Farroni: Leszek, we heard from Charlie how you travelled to England to go on his training course, why was this?

Leszek: Charlie is one of my idols, as a child I used to be in awe, just watching him play, and after the match would go down to the waste ground with my friends, and try to play like him. When the chance to train under Charlie came up, I pestered my parents for weeks, trying to persuade them to let me go, eventually they agreed. It was such an honour to train with him, and learn things that have lead me to become a professional.

<Soundbite> Golden League Masters, friendly matches, ladder fixtures, or singles matches — Charlieboy doesn’t distinguish between them and he dives, stretches and flies toward any ball that approaches his goal.

Farroni: That voice, is the voice of Paquebot, who has flown all the way from Korea to be here tonight.

Paquebot: One of the endearing memories that I have of Charlieboy was from the evening before a fixture against AS Uijeongbu 07. Rochdale were practicing on one of the auxiliary pitches at the time and Charlieboy took time out of the warm-up session to jog over to another field, to offer some goalkeeping advice to a young boy who was struggling in his own match. It is also a common sight to find Charlieboy signing autographs and posing for photographs with fans well after the final whistle had blown, even after a heavily loss. That’s one of the big reasons, I think, why he is such a fan favorite — his willingness to go above and beyond the normal responsibilities of a footballer, to provide some personal connection with the fans, and to help out when he could.

It’s a shame that Rochdale haven’t been able to capture a GL Master’s title, but that should in no way serve as a poor reflection of Charlieboy’s abilities. He excels at what he does, is talented at mentoring others, and continues to demonstrate that you don’t always need your name in the headlines to make an impact on others.

Farroni: It’s no secret that your approaching the twilight years of your career, yet you continue to play with the same love and fervor of a much younger player.

Charlie: I love this game, and feel I can still offer something to the side. Im realistic though, and know I can’t go on forever, but feel I can still contribute for a couple more seasons at least. Im fast approaching 40, and once I get there, I will re-evaluate whether to continue or not but for now, I feel as fit and as strong as ever. Besides, I’ve still not won the Golden League!

Farroni: Over the years you have become the face of the side, both on and off the pitch, to the extent that the club stuck up deals with both the Co-op and the makers of Subbuteo. What was your view on these opportunities?

Charlie: I was overwelmed, it wasn’t even something I had considered. I remember when I was approached over these two opportunities by the club. It was an honour, and I was happy to do them. As a Rochdale lad as well, knowing how the Co-op was founded in Rochdale, it made it even more special to do.

Farroni: Thank you Charlie for the memories you have let us share today. It’s clear you have made a lasting impression on everyone, and we look forward to following your future, and seeing if you manage to lift the coverted Golden League trophy. All the best, and good Luck!

Farroni to Camera: Thats all we have got time for, thank you for joining us as we celebrate this Lengendary figure. Thank you, and Goodnight.

 

4

Bad-gio

Mr Mayhem is never far from controversy, investigation’s into his statements regarding Lord Bebbington and his Lost Saxons amongst others have heightened the attention on Dale, and not necessarily for the best of reasons. It now seems that Mr Mayhem is at it again, making comments about MSO’s Goalkeeper, Paulo Baggio.

In a somewhat unexpected move Mr Mayhem has accused  Baggio of failing to perform when it matters most, reflecting on MSO’s record against Dale, of 4 wins, 1 draw and 10 losses. This statement has taken many by surprise, considering Mr Mayhem was in the chase for his signature before he eventually signed for MSO for the 3rd time. Mr Mayhem feels that the fact he has left the side so many times, suggests he isn’t  a really committed to the side  and is only interested in the cash!

He also pointed out that if Baggio was truly the best, surely he would have performed much better, considering that in the 6 games he has featured in against Dale, he has conceded 20 goals.

3

Post match Saxons win

What a sorry state of affairs that was, a 3-0 humbling at the hands of promotion rivals The Lost Saxons ensured that Dales hands were well and truly removed from the series V trophy for another season. If truth be told, the side just didn’t look strong enough to beat or even draw with the Saxons, and by half time the damage was done.

Dale set out in a 5-2-3 Doughnut formation, sacrificing midfield in the hope of catching the Saxons on the counter, but Dale never looked like threatening the Saxon backline as the Saxons dominated play from the start. The first 20 minutes were quiet, with the Saxons happy to hold the ball, but never really threatening goal, but then a flurry of opportunities came, and in the remaining 25 minutes of the half, took three of them. Dale amassed a measly one shot in the first half, which turned out to be their only shot of the match.

The referee called the end of the first half, and Mr Mayhem stormed off to the changing room, you could almost see the steam coming from his ears. Today was not the day to be a Dale player, Mr Mayhem could be heard ranting and raving at his side, despite the door being closed, and numerous crashes and bangs coming from the changing room. I almost feel sorry for the players, but as a fan myself the performance was dreadful and wished it had been me in there dishing out the abuse.

As the sides returned for the second half the away section were booing and jeering Dale. As the players took their places once more it was noted that Mr Mayhem hadn’t returned to the dugout, but can you blame him, with the performance on the pitch in the first half, who would want to stay and watch the second half, and I’m sure many a Dale supporter was already planning their route home across Manchester.

The second half played out pretty similar to the first, though Dale did appear more motivated to break down the Saxon attack, they couldn’t do anything to hurt them. Defensively, Dales second half performance was much improved, however the three strikers were nowhere to be seen, and future England U20 player Zahren may as well retire now, not touching the ball once.

This match wasn’t for the neutral, the shocking display from Dale meant the Saxons never needed to get out of third gear. But then, who can blame them. Whilst the Doughnut formation may have surprised them, the abject performance to go with it must have surprised them more, and they must have surely expected a stronger side than what they were faced with.

Dale’s two new midfielders were considered un-needed for this match, but perhaps Mr Mayhem will wish now he had played them, as the players on the pitch hadn’t bothered.

Mr Mayhem made a short and brief statement:

“If a tie is like kissing your sister, losing is like kissing your grandmother with her teeth out.”

I feel that sums up well the feeling of the fans. Rumour has it that Mr Mayhem is going to complete a major overhaul of the squad at the end of the season, as this side has floundered for far to long now. After this match, I’m sure many fans will welcome this news.

1

The Lost Saxons – Rochdale United

Somewhere between what many see as a war and players say is just another game, somewhere between a classic and a dud, somewhere between a non-international becoming massive organically and the Golden League Council planning draws to make sure this cash cow is flogged at every opportunity, lies the hard-to-define, often mundane but sometimes magical Lost Saxons-Rochdale United rivalry, which renews itself on sunday, in Week 12 of series V.171. It is being billed as the biggest match of the season for both these sides.

This rivalry is only in it’s infancy, with the sides only meeting five time’s previously, with Dale claiming three victories to Saxons one victory, and the fifth, and most recent match resulting in a draw.

However, the past few weeks have shown that there will be no love lost by both teams as they hunt for the four pointer, after drawing 2-2 earlier in the season. Since then, accusations and allegations have been flung backwards and forwards, between the two managers, to a point where the Golden League Council felt the need to appoint a new President, in an effort to manage the situation. As matchday approaches, extra security has been drafted in from neighbouring towns and cities in the hopes of avoiding a full on mass brawl.

This match, if the actions of the managers is anything to go by, will be a brutal affair, crunching ankles, and bruised bones, however there is hope yet. There is a small chance, but a chance none-the-less, that the players will ignore whats happening off the pitch and focus on the beautiful game we know and love. Now wouldn’t that be a turn-up for the books!

3

Sumerel re-signs for Dale

Garth ‘Vader’ Sumerel re-signed for Dale midweek as Manager Mr_Mayhem hit the transfer market once more. The 33 year old agreed terms with the club quickly, as once he knew Dale were interested there was no way he was going to let the opportunity pass to return to the club where his career began.

 

Sumerel during his first training session since returning. Agrawal and Zahren watching on

Sumerel during his first training session since   returning. Agrawal and Zahren watching on.

 

 

Sumerel transferred to U.C. Sminkio four seasons ago in a £1.2M transfer after making 245 appearances for the Dale, before going on to make 76 appearances for U.C.S.

Sumerel missed on on the league match at the weekend, but it’s thought he may feature in the midweek GL match against Polomint.

A defender at heart, but able to operate as a holding midfielder, Sumerel brings additional reinforcements to an ever fragile looking defence. Once again, like last season Dale suffer somewhat from injuries, and with an aging backline it is likely to get worse. Most recently, 张 (Zhang) 偌锋 (Ruofeng) picked up a right arm injury, which looks set to keep him out of the squad for two weeks, couple that with central defender Daniel Sattler being sent off, and so missing the next league match, Sumerels arrival is well timed.

8

Mayhem cranks up rivalry

TLindenDales Roving Reporter

Mr Mayhem today was overheard talking about Lord Bebbington and his lost Saxons in a supposedly secret meeting. He has been quoted as saying the Saxons have been lucky this season, riding on a crest of good will and misguided fanaticism. He’s reported as claiming not a single player from the Saxons side would get a game in the United lineup due to their sheer incompetence, and inability to put on a shirt, nevermind kick a ball.

Looking at the table however, Saxons sit top of the league by a single point over United, so you may wonder why Mr Mayhem would say this, our sources state that Mr Mayhem had put that down to bribes with the referee and opposition, and that had they been playing fairly the Saxons would be ‘lost’ at the bottom of the table.

Frustrated Mayhem

It’s thought that Mr Mayhem intends to lodge a complaint to the HFA, in the hopes of them launching an immediate investigation.

7

United unveil new signing

Today United made the official unveiling of Sven Schragner (339637621) from French side Ventres Bleus.

signing
Its expected that Schragner will bring German clinicalism to the United side as they push for the title, and he will also be welcomed reinforcement for what is at present, a threadbare squad.

It seems United have learned lessons from last season where injuries hit the squad quite heavily in the final run-in, and look to be planning ahead for the risk of this repeating.

The German wingback may be 35 but is highly skilled and should provide a boost to the side come match day. He has brought back memories of former United player Schulmann who provided typical German disipline to the side.

Welcome to Rochdale Schragner!