There have been shocking rumours circling around the Donuts’ training ground like a collective noun of vultures circling around a dead badger. The gossip is that the Donuts’ manager, Larry Pampushky, has been questioned by police working on Operation Yew Tree.
It appears there has been a huge misunderstanding arising from Pampushky’s last press conference where he stated that he was keen on young boys. It turns out that he was referring to his policy of bringing players through from the youth team.
The Donuts are now fully homegrown; they have a full team of red-hearted players that have started from the youth academy (and a couple from the old youth pull system). The outfielders have a decent spread of specialities: 5 Heads, 2 Quicks, 2 Technicals and 1 Powerful. Even the goalkeeper is Unpredictable.
“I’ve got them practising shooting from long distance,” said Pampushky, while opening the club’s new wine bar. “Most shots don’t make it to the six-yard box yet, never mind trouble the keeper, but over time I expect them to be scoring from the halfway line. A couple of glasses of shiraz, please.”