Break Out the Fainting Couch: We Actually Spent Money

There are few worse ways to start the day than to be roused from sleep at the infernal hour of 10am by the incessant blaring of the phone.  Worse still, after blearily activating the infernal devices, I was treated to the dulcet tones of the Chairman as he held forth on my many perceived failings of personality and character, before inviting me to put together a press conference at my earliest convenience.

In any event, having duly purchased bagels for the ungrateful knights of the fourth estate, I watched as the Chairman and Manager Jorgensen trundled out to announce that Wanderers had signed a new keeper.  SpecificallyDavid Yates, our new No. 1 is a certain Senor David Yates, purportedly a 30 year old Chilean keeper who has spent the bulk of his career as a backup in the South African second division.  He apparently meets the requirements to start for us, however, to wit: (a) not pushing 40, (b) being available on the cheap  and (c) having comical hair (a mullet in this specific case).

In any event, when asked if he had signed a keeper due to our key tie against Rusko, Jorgensen denied it, saying that the move had nothing whatsoever to do with that game, but rather represented a chance to pick up a long-term answer at keeper.  Seldom have I heard a man speak with such deep insincerity.

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