Club History

 

 

Formation
 
Establishing a Foothold
 
Chop and Change
 
Unsettled Times
 
Season Reports
 

 

Formation

In May 2005, a group of disgruntled Manchester United fans, unhappy with the takeover of their beloved club by the Glazer family, set about creating a new club which they hoped one day would rival teams far and wide. After a consultation process lasting a few months, a new club was formed and named Great Manchester City. This name was picked to rub the noses of the real Manchester City fans whose team had done nothing for years and now these Manchester United fans could claim that they were the real Manchester City. Wisely, in order to maximise attendances at the fledgling club, it was established in the heartland of where most Manchester United fans lived – right in the heart of the West Midlands.

 

Establishing a Foothold

The club had their first ever match against Gloucestershire Town. Despite the pouring rain, over four thousand people turned out to watch the game. Admittedly, the ground where they played was between two secondary schools, a shopping precinct and overlooked by a hospital as well as being at the end of Birmingham International Airport’s runway, so not all of them paid to watch, but nevertheless the records show a healthy number of people watched the match even if the balance sheet may have needed one of the beds in the hospital. For the first season the new team was managed by committee. Decisions were made over a coffee table and disputes were decided by arm-wrestle or submissive strangulation. Despite such undemocratic behaviour, results in that first season were not bad and they only lost one match and gained promotion. As the team was newly created, they were not permitted to enter the Hattrick Cup in their first season.

After waiting a whole season to take part in the Hattrick Cup, the second began disastrously with a home drubbing in the cup in the very first round. After achieving only one win in the first three league games – the third being a stinker at home to The Gasworks – it was decided a manager would be needed to guide the team forwards. Not much is said about why this sudden down turn in results occurred, but rumour says that a large Russian girl had started hanging about the club and had repeatedly won the arm-wrestles (which is denied by those we found to ask) and she had no time to mess about with tactics and training as she was always down the shopping centre to get her top lip waxed and her under-arm hair plaited.

 

Chop and Change

Unable to choose a manager because of voting deadlock (ie: wrist cramp from arm-wrestling), the club looked doomed and at the end of January 2006 a man with the pseudonym of ‘ucandoithappy’ took over the team, buying them with it’s own cash. He was suspicious in appearance, having big glasses, an even bigger beard and wearing Manchester United jogging bottoms and he spoke with a strange American accent. Fears were further raised when the team was renamed ‘Phil Nevilles Love Children.’

Results did not improve and the final straw came eight games later with defeat against the real red devils – or Gingerness FC as they were officially called. Such was the embarrassment that ‘ucandoithappy’ immediately put the club up for sale and was immediately bought by a local chip-shop owner.

Keen to use the club to advertise his chip shop and it’s new tasty chicken, he rebranded the club as “Alex’s Southern Fried Chicken” – or AlexSFC as the records show. He also installed himself as manager and changed his name by deed poll. “AlexSFC” burger stands appeared all around the ground, but within weeks attendances had dropped to a quarter from the first home match as fans got food poisoning and Alex’s food soon got the unkind nickname “Finger Licking Crud.” His business empire collapsed rapidly and he was forced to put the club up for sale after less than three months of ownership.

 

Unsettled Times

In the hands of administrators, unknown manager Mobius Dickus was handed control of the club and for tax reasons it was renamed Archaon. In the game Warhammer, Archaon was the name that the forces of chaos had united under and this seemed quite an apt choice given the clubs turbulent beginnings. This period was short lived however as the manager was merely a figurehead while the clubs financial situation was put in order. When the club was eventually sold a month later, he was dismissed.

Intercontinental businessman and entrepreneur Eddie Swift took over the club in June 2006 for the princely sum of £1 from the administrators, wiping the clubs debts out with a stroke (which he recovered from). He immediately appointed his Italian friend alessioalfano as manager and gave him funds to mount a challenge to keep the team out of the bottom leagues. This was not possible however and the club were duly relegated to the bottom level again.

Swift gave assurances that alessioalfano would have time to prove himself the next season. Things once again began badly as the newly named “Pepoli” crashed out of the cup in the first round again, this time to Goldhawk Rovers. Still, things in the league were good but the club finished second, missing out on promotion by five points. A poor start the following season – defeats in the cup and the league in the first two matches, led to alessioalfano’s dismissal.

In December 2006, Eddie decided to buy himself a Christmas present in the shape of a scoutmaster called ‘pombear22’. For security reasons he did not wish to use his real name. His short lived stint as manager was plagued with poor discipline and bad play. Tackles were waist high and the chant of “ging gang goolie goolie goolie goolie gotcha” was often heard coming from the terraces of the renamed Condover Athletic. Results again were not good and the team were struggling. Half way through the season, Chairman Swift decided to sack the manager.

 

See also:

Season 32 Report
Season 48 Report

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