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Rúnar Lúðvíksson says goodbye to the trainees

James Jeffrey joined fellow former trainees Andrew Dennahy, Matthew Lampard and Sidney Whelan today at Clunwardineshire amateurs Whelm Town Welfare after failing to impress manager Jonas Solskín. He is believed to have signed for the Welfare on a free transfer and is contracted on amateur terms, likely to be a weekly bus ticket to the training ground, a quarter of an orange at half time on a game-to-game basis, and a scoring bonus of fish, chips and mushy peas at the Whelm Town Friar chip shop of a Saturday night. As a leaving present Solskín has permitted all four ex-trainees to keep their matchday shirts, which have never been unwrapped from their packaging:

They are good lads and I’m sorry to see them go, their training ground skills provided a laugh for all the club and we’ll particularly miss their unique approach to the game. But football is an uncompromising game, and we need players who know their studs from their elbows. We wish them well at The Welfare.

Meanwhile rumours persist that Axle & Welfare are discussing a link-up, to ensure a steady flow of failed trainees to The Welfare in exchange for a steady flow of fans to Axle. The club declined to comment.